Several weeks ago, I had the opportunity to speak with reporter Matt Brady from the Daily Herald about the release of the new Autistic Barbie. What stayed with me from that conversation wasn’t simply the doll itself, but what she symbolizes: a meaningful shift in how we understand identity, difference, and human worth.
For decades, Barbie reflected a narrow, idealized version of who girls were expected to be, physically perfect, socially polished, effortlessly capable. Many of us absorbed that lens long before we had the awareness or language to question it. We learned that there was a “right” way to look, behave, and belong.
The Autistic Barbie challenges that narrative. She honors the differences that exist within all of us and opens space for conversations about neurodiversity that are grounded in dignity and acceptance. She reminds us that identity is not fixed or singular, and that we were never meant to fit into someone else’s mold.
In many ways, she mirrors the work my team and I do every day as therapists—and the work I continue to do within myself.
Inherited Lenses: The Stories We Never Chose but Learned to Carry
Much of our self-perception is shaped long before we develop the capacity to evaluate it. Family expectations, cultural norms, gender roles, and even the people we admire can quietly sculpt our internal narrative.
We inherit lenses like:
- Be strong.
- Be perfect.
- Don’t disappoint.
- Don’t take up too much space.
- Be who others need you to be.
These messages often originate from love, protection, or tradition. Yet even wellintentioned lenses can distort our understanding of who we are allowed to become.
Clinically, I see this reflected across the lifespan. Children who learn to shrink themselves to maintain harmony. Adolescents who internalize the belief that belonging must be earned. Adults who measure their worth against standards they never consciously agreed to. When our lens is inherited rather than chosen, identity becomes something we perform rather than something we inhabit.
Representation as a Corrective Lens
This is why inclusive representation matters. When toys, media, and cultural narratives expand, they offer children and adults a broader, more accurate mirror.
From a clinical standpoint, this is foundational. A healthy selfconcept begins with the experience of being seen. When children feel valued exactly as they are, they develop the confidence and hope needed to grow into who they want to become. Possibility fuels hope, and hope fuels resilience.
The Autistic Barbie is more than a toy. She is a reminder that identity is expansive, that difference is not deficiency, and that we each have the capacity to rewrite the lens through which we understand ourselves.
The Personal Lens: When Admiration Becomes Comparison
As I continue my own work around perspective, I’ve had to examine the lenses I’ve inherited as well. The roles I hold as a mother, leader, therapist, partner, daughter, each carry expectations. Some spoken. Some implied. Some imagined.
Like many people, I’ve admired others who seem to navigate these roles with steadiness and confidence. Over time, admiration quietly shifted into comparison. I began measuring myself against their terrain, their experience, their path altogether forgetting and thereby negating the challenges they likely faced and overcame.
It echoed the realization I had while hiking in Bali:
I was judging myself through someone else’s lens, someone more familiar with the terrain, someone who had walked that path countless times.
This is a common clinical pattern: when we evaluate ourselves through external standards, our internal clarity becomes compromised. The conflict between who we are and who we believe we must be narrows our perspective until our own capacity becomes difficult to recognize and often that can lead us feeling anxious and even depressed.
Choosing a New Lens
Perspective is not passive. It is an active, ongoing practice.
In 2026, I am choosing to examine the lenses I’ve inherited and determine whether they still serve my growth. I am choosing to shift from judgment to assessment, from comparison to curiosity, from inherited expectations to intentional identity. I am choosing to notice how choice itself reshapes the lens.
And I invite you to do the same.
Reflection Points to Take With You
- Whose lens are you using when you evaluate yourself?
- What expectations have you inherited that no longer align with who you are becoming?
- Where did you learn the story of who you “should” be?
- How might your perspective shift if you viewed yourself through a more compassionate, accurate lens?
- What becomes possible when you choose your own narrative instead of performing someone else’s?
- How can you create space for your identity to expand, the way inclusive representation expands possibilities for children?
Perspective is not about perfection. It is about clarity. It is about choosing the lens that honors your truth, your growth, and you becoming your authentic self. And just like that moment in Bali, sometimes all it takes is a shift, a softening, a widening, a willingness to see yourself differently. The lens you choose will shape not only the path you walk, but your ability to navigate it with intention. May you choose the one that allows you to grow.